woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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