I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
