The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
