they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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