Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
how can u be prego again
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
