plz talk dirty to me
I think I won the penis lottery.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
