Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
