yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
