good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I intend to get homeless drunk
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
