I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
