She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sorry about my life...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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