how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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