there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
