1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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