my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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