there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
should my penis look like a turkey
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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