I am puke
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
