Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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