VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she looked like the before picture.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
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