i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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