I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
