Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
