i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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