I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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