Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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