I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
