a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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