why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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