We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
