there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
