Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
