he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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