When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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