yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
