wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
