I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
