How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
