Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
