You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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