he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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