why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
