You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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