somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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