I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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