In the future we'll all be gay
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
