What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
