I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
