you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything