ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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