anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.