this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.