woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
