it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
