I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
