I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
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There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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