Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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