dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
