i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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