what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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