oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
