he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
