I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
