im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
