this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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