I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's official drugs can't kill me
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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