My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
