the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
