I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
