can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
