In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
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It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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