She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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