I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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