I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Blood and glitter go together right?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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