Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
