We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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