Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
