Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
