You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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